I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you win again, gameday.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
