First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
