wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
