Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
