Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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