I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
