It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The best revenge is premature balding
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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