Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This baby is an asshole
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
