If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Small penises have feelings too.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
