i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Holy shit dude........stairs
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
