I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
whose parrot is this?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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