He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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