this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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