I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The best revenge is premature balding
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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