i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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