I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
