how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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