i just wanna soil my oats bro
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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