Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
