hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
