areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
