my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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