I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
