her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
