Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
