peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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