It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
