I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
