I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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