I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
pray to the hookup gods
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
