And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
