i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
