I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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