thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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