I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
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