You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
