If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
