I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
