she was so not down for the gang bang
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I got inside last night via doggy door
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
