i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
