I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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