I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Drake has all the answers
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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