She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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