Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
40s are totally the cure
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
