i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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