So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
