And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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