dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Holy shit dude........stairs
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