Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
