Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
