Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
