he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
