I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
