I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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