somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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